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Fatigue, Diapers, and Joy

I simultaneously celebrate and lament the temporariness of the drawings on the walls, the crusty applesauce on the floor, and the screaming in the air. These kiddos are my favorite part of life. And also the reason I want to escape it for a day or five. I love them more than the capacity they have to understand it. I do more for them in a single day than they can possibly know. And somehow they do more for me than I ever thought possible. Even in the hardest moments, those most filled with stress, fatigue and angst, I know I wouldn't change a single thing.

(Disclaimer: 'A single thing' does not include the early sleep patterns, I will always want to change those :) )

Most days I wake up abruptly,
And much too early for my liking.
My kid's resemblance to a banshee
Is what you might call 'striking'.
With puffy eyes and raw emotions
That rarely have time heal
I sigh exhaustively and
Get up against my will.

It's another day, though it's hard to tell
When the last twenty are all a blur.
How did I think I could handle this?
(Some days I'm really not that sure.)
Breakfast, diapers, playtime next,
I finally have time to pee.
Though if I'm honest, I miss the days
When that only involved just me.

Later I smell like poop, have messy clothes,
There's something crusty in my hair.
I think for me, the saddest part
Is really how little I care.
I probably haven't washed or shaved
In more days than I can count.
But really it's the lack of sleep
Where I feel most I'm missing out.

It's cruel unusual torture to have to do
(Without the aid of nighttime rest)
All the things required of me
Not knowing when I'll nap next.
I just don't want to grocery shop.
I don't know when dishes were last clean.
We've read this book a thousand times
(Ok... maybe only seventeen).

I teach them work and help them share
And show there's right and wrong.
We learn to pray and fix mistakes,
And try hard to get along.
'Cuz day by day by day by day
I know something has to stick,
Even though there are days when
The only victory's that we don't quit.

And the sleepless nights, the endless days
Somehow end up full of greatness.
I'd never seen such perfect beauty
Until these tiny, grimy faces.
My life has changed for good I think,
It's never changing back.
And what I have in motherhood
Outweighs what I'm told I now lack.

Watching them grow is bittersweet, but
Watching them learn is pure joy.
I've never known the soul bursting love
My mother heart can now employ.
Then it's another day, and it's hard to tell
When love and stress are all a blur.
How did I think I could handle this?
I often forget, and so often I relearn.

These little sweetheart children
Were given me for a tiny mortal moment.
My privilege, my blessing is to teach them
Of the Divine reason they were sent.
More days than not I'm shown quite clear,
It's the very same reason I'm here.
When God's purpose becomes my perspective;
There's no way I'd rather live.

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