The other day I went on a walk to the park with the kids and their Auntie and cousin. There was a group of older boys (roughly 11-13 years old) hanging around when we arrived. E was excited to talk their ears off; he loves older kids. In between his excited tales about the mom that made him get shots in his legs that day and wandering off to play on the slides (then right on back to expose the band aids that gave proof of mom's tyranny), I watched and listened to these boys as they loitered on top of the playground. What I heard made my mother heart hurt. It hurt for the boys whose childhoods I can only assume (due to my ability to overhear conversations and language that no thirteen year old should utter) are filled with anger and violence and smut. It hurt for the parents who aren't taking the time to teach their boys responsibility, respect, or virtue. It hurt because these are the boys my sons are growing up with, this is the generation I have to help them navigate. I wish someone would give these boys more than what they are getting. Because I sure I hope I can give more to mine.
I have only been mother for 4 years. That piece of me was born alongside E. And in that time, that piece has grown to almost overtake the old me. The 'me' that was filled with goals and dreams and longing for a future filled with splendor and happiness and all things good for myself has turned outward to engulf my children. And it makes me want to burst. I love that boy more than I ever imagined possible. (That love goes for all my children, but like the time I was thinking about what I want to teach my girls, this is specifically for my sons.) I want so much more for him than I possess capacity to give. I want him to be the boy on the playground that a 4 year old can actually look up to. I want him to be the boy that will not join the cursing and crudeness of his peers, but will instead show them a better way. I want him to become different than the generation he has been born in. It all somehow starts at home, with me and his Dad. Thankfully that includes our eternal parental partnership with God; without which, none of this would be possible.
So here's to my sons; the things I think will make all the difference in their lives, the knowledge I hope their dad and I can give, and the values that will set them apart.
1. You are a son of God. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. And never forget what that means. It means you were made by the hand of Divinity, and in the image of the same. That means you are indeed a divine being in a fallen world. And while that world seeks to destroy you, the only power it will have over you is the power you give it; for the finite cannot overthrow the infinite. It means you have an Almighty Father who will listen and respond to you personally. It means you are part of a plan so much bigger than yourself. You might not fully understand all the intricate pieces of that plan, but you are an integral part of it. You'll have to take it on faith. The more you exercise that faith, the more you will understand God's purposes. It means you are of eternal significance, with both duties and privileges far beyond imagining. It means God's adversary is also your adversary. But it also means that God's power is your power as you seek to live His way. And even though you will not be perfect as you journey through mortality, it means you are given the ability to repent and continue to progress toward perfection and eternal life. And one day you will make it. Because you are a son of God.
2. Jesus Christ is your Savior, your Redeemer, your Brother. Learn about His holy birth, His perfect life, and His all encompassing love for you. You need Him every hour of every day of your life. And the beauty of it is that He will be there for you through each moment. He has felt your every sorrow, fear, and temptation so He knows how to aid your heart and mind. He paid the price of justice so you can obtain the mercy to try again when you fall short. Nothing you do will ever take that gift away because "It is not possible for you to sink lower than the infinite light of Christ's Atonement shines". Remember that because of Him, you can progress. You can repent and change. You can continually become better! He is more than just words written in an ancient book by an ancient people. Draw near to Him and because He is the Life, He will change your life.
3. I want you to know that your body is sacred. It has passions and feelings and desires that are given it for a beautiful and wholesome purpose. Healthy marital relations are a great source of happiness, and when misused are also a great source of sorrow. Sex is meant to unify a husband and wife in marriage. It is meant to create and sustain life. It is meant to be powerful and wonderful and pure. This power of procreation is one of the most God-like powers He has given His children. I am sorry that the world will do everything it can to convince you otherwise. I am sorry there will be an onslaught of messages that try to persuade you to misuse your body in any and every way possible. Do not listen! "God has commanded that the sacred powers of procreation are to be employed only between man and woman, lawfully wedded as husband and wife." The Lord's way is always the best way. I know it is hard. It is so much more than hard. But it is so worth it. (And should you ever do anything contrary to God's commands, please refer to numbers 1, 2 and 8.)
4. Stand up for yourself, for your beliefs, and for your God. It will not be uncommon for you to have to stand alone. At times you'll have to remain silent. But there are times you'll have to speak out. Unfortunately there will be people who would make you feel as if defending your own beliefs means you are shaming, hating, or persecuting others who believe differently. Stand strong anyway. You'll also need to stand up for the right of others to believe differently than you. Recognize that right and wrong exist, but it is given to everyone to choose which, and that ability should never be restricted. We live in a world filled with many vocal minorities who try to change God's laws which define right and wrong. If there ever comes a time when those minorities increase in number until you instead are left a minority, remember that "they that be with us are more than they that be with them", because "if God be for us, who can be against us?" (2 Kings 6:16 and Romans 8:31) Defend what He would defend, and He will defend you.
5. Sweet son, learn to have self control. This means both knowing to quit and when to persevere. Know when to turn off and unplug. Know when to buckle down and get busy. Learn to have a love of work. Working is a responsibility, yes, but it is also a right. Working and taking action in our own lives "is a God-given gift without which we cannot realize our full potential as daughters and sons of God." Idleness and indulgence are the enemies of your potential. And nothing can replace self sufficiency. While entertainment has it's place, please don't ever let the digital replace the tangible. Facebook just isn't worth it. If you're not careful, there are so many distractions that will slowly supplant your time for, recognition of, and desire to focus on higher things. These distractions, while not inherently evil, keep you from the things that matter most. And that will keep you from arriving at the place that matters most. And goodness knows our celestial Home just won't be the same without you.
6. I know it sounds cliche, but honesty really is the best policy. Your integrity is one of the few things you have that is truly yours. Friends come and go, money gets spent, your health can fail, but nothing can take your integrity from you. It cannot be bought, it cannot be won. And anything like that should be guarded with care.
7. Being a husband and father are the greatest responsibilities you will ever have, and the greatest blessings you will ever know. You will begin to recognize just exactly who you are in a way you never have before. You will shape the future in a way nothing else can. As you seek to raise those children in righteousness you will be brought to your knees harder and more frequently than at any other time in your life. But you will also be lifted higher and endowed with strength beyond your own. Those beautiful children give life so much more meaning and purpose. But always remember, 'the most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother.' And no matter what happens in this life, you will be given the chance to take part in these sacred callings.
8. And like your sisters, I want you to know this. No matter what you do, (this includes anything and everything) no matter where you go, no matter what happens, no matter when, no matter what else you may think or feel or doubt; know that I love you with all of my heart. And that will never change.
I have only been mother for 4 years. That piece of me was born alongside E. And in that time, that piece has grown to almost overtake the old me. The 'me' that was filled with goals and dreams and longing for a future filled with splendor and happiness and all things good for myself has turned outward to engulf my children. And it makes me want to burst. I love that boy more than I ever imagined possible. (That love goes for all my children, but like the time I was thinking about what I want to teach my girls, this is specifically for my sons.) I want so much more for him than I possess capacity to give. I want him to be the boy on the playground that a 4 year old can actually look up to. I want him to be the boy that will not join the cursing and crudeness of his peers, but will instead show them a better way. I want him to become different than the generation he has been born in. It all somehow starts at home, with me and his Dad. Thankfully that includes our eternal parental partnership with God; without which, none of this would be possible.
So here's to my sons; the things I think will make all the difference in their lives, the knowledge I hope their dad and I can give, and the values that will set them apart.
1. You are a son of God. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. And never forget what that means. It means you were made by the hand of Divinity, and in the image of the same. That means you are indeed a divine being in a fallen world. And while that world seeks to destroy you, the only power it will have over you is the power you give it; for the finite cannot overthrow the infinite. It means you have an Almighty Father who will listen and respond to you personally. It means you are part of a plan so much bigger than yourself. You might not fully understand all the intricate pieces of that plan, but you are an integral part of it. You'll have to take it on faith. The more you exercise that faith, the more you will understand God's purposes. It means you are of eternal significance, with both duties and privileges far beyond imagining. It means God's adversary is also your adversary. But it also means that God's power is your power as you seek to live His way. And even though you will not be perfect as you journey through mortality, it means you are given the ability to repent and continue to progress toward perfection and eternal life. And one day you will make it. Because you are a son of God.
2. Jesus Christ is your Savior, your Redeemer, your Brother. Learn about His holy birth, His perfect life, and His all encompassing love for you. You need Him every hour of every day of your life. And the beauty of it is that He will be there for you through each moment. He has felt your every sorrow, fear, and temptation so He knows how to aid your heart and mind. He paid the price of justice so you can obtain the mercy to try again when you fall short. Nothing you do will ever take that gift away because "It is not possible for you to sink lower than the infinite light of Christ's Atonement shines". Remember that because of Him, you can progress. You can repent and change. You can continually become better! He is more than just words written in an ancient book by an ancient people. Draw near to Him and because He is the Life, He will change your life.
3. I want you to know that your body is sacred. It has passions and feelings and desires that are given it for a beautiful and wholesome purpose. Healthy marital relations are a great source of happiness, and when misused are also a great source of sorrow. Sex is meant to unify a husband and wife in marriage. It is meant to create and sustain life. It is meant to be powerful and wonderful and pure. This power of procreation is one of the most God-like powers He has given His children. I am sorry that the world will do everything it can to convince you otherwise. I am sorry there will be an onslaught of messages that try to persuade you to misuse your body in any and every way possible. Do not listen! "God has commanded that the sacred powers of procreation are to be employed only between man and woman, lawfully wedded as husband and wife." The Lord's way is always the best way. I know it is hard. It is so much more than hard. But it is so worth it. (And should you ever do anything contrary to God's commands, please refer to numbers 1, 2 and 8.)
4. Stand up for yourself, for your beliefs, and for your God. It will not be uncommon for you to have to stand alone. At times you'll have to remain silent. But there are times you'll have to speak out. Unfortunately there will be people who would make you feel as if defending your own beliefs means you are shaming, hating, or persecuting others who believe differently. Stand strong anyway. You'll also need to stand up for the right of others to believe differently than you. Recognize that right and wrong exist, but it is given to everyone to choose which, and that ability should never be restricted. We live in a world filled with many vocal minorities who try to change God's laws which define right and wrong. If there ever comes a time when those minorities increase in number until you instead are left a minority, remember that "they that be with us are more than they that be with them", because "if God be for us, who can be against us?" (2 Kings 6:16 and Romans 8:31) Defend what He would defend, and He will defend you.
5. Sweet son, learn to have self control. This means both knowing to quit and when to persevere. Know when to turn off and unplug. Know when to buckle down and get busy. Learn to have a love of work. Working is a responsibility, yes, but it is also a right. Working and taking action in our own lives "is a God-given gift without which we cannot realize our full potential as daughters and sons of God." Idleness and indulgence are the enemies of your potential. And nothing can replace self sufficiency. While entertainment has it's place, please don't ever let the digital replace the tangible. Facebook just isn't worth it. If you're not careful, there are so many distractions that will slowly supplant your time for, recognition of, and desire to focus on higher things. These distractions, while not inherently evil, keep you from the things that matter most. And that will keep you from arriving at the place that matters most. And goodness knows our celestial Home just won't be the same without you.
6. I know it sounds cliche, but honesty really is the best policy. Your integrity is one of the few things you have that is truly yours. Friends come and go, money gets spent, your health can fail, but nothing can take your integrity from you. It cannot be bought, it cannot be won. And anything like that should be guarded with care.
7. Being a husband and father are the greatest responsibilities you will ever have, and the greatest blessings you will ever know. You will begin to recognize just exactly who you are in a way you never have before. You will shape the future in a way nothing else can. As you seek to raise those children in righteousness you will be brought to your knees harder and more frequently than at any other time in your life. But you will also be lifted higher and endowed with strength beyond your own. Those beautiful children give life so much more meaning and purpose. But always remember, 'the most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother.' And no matter what happens in this life, you will be given the chance to take part in these sacred callings.
8. And like your sisters, I want you to know this. No matter what you do, (this includes anything and everything) no matter where you go, no matter what happens, no matter when, no matter what else you may think or feel or doubt; know that I love you with all of my heart. And that will never change.
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