The other day I was reading a talk by Sister Julie B. Beck. She said,
'One of the questions that I get frequently is, “Is it okay if I work outside of my home?” You have to know that as an international, global, Relief Society president, that question isn’t always appropriate in all of the world’s countries. There are many, many places where if our women don’t work, they don’t eat. So of course they have to work. The question of whether or not to work is the wrong question. The question is, “Am I aligned with the Lord’s vision of me and what He needs me to become and the roles and responsibilities He gave me in heaven that are not negotiable? Am I aligned with that, or am I trying to escape my duties?” Those are the kinds of things we need to understand. Our Heavenly Father loves His daughters, and because He loves us and the reward at the end is so glorious, we do not get a pass from the responsibilities we were given. We cannot give them away. They are our sacred duties and we fulfill them under covenant.' (Julie B. Beck, BYU Women's Conference 2011)
I remember being racked with serious, soul searching guilt about half way through my pregnancy with Emery. Before we decided to have him, I was applying for hygiene school, we were planning on moving to Utah, and we were planning on waiting to have kids until I was done with school. Somewhere in the midst of that we felt very strongly that it was the right time to start our family. Which really made no sense to me because it would have been so much easier to just wait another 2 years and be done with school. But we thought and prayed and fasted about it, and trusted in the God who answered our questions. 8 months later we were expecting to have a baby, move, and start hygiene school all within days of each other. I didn't doubt that we had done the right thing in starting our family. But I was wondering if I would be doing right by leaving my baby everyday for the next 20 months to go to school full time. I had always felt so strongly the importance of getting a good education, but felt strongly of the greater importance of teaching and nurturing my children. The rational part of me knew that getting an education would greatly benefit me-and therefore my family and children-in the long run. The emotional part of me felt that I would be forsaking my responsibility and God-given right as a mother for the next 2-ish years to selfishly secure a future career that would only continue to keep me away from my children. Reconciling those two parts of me was a long hard process, with an answer only the Lord could have helped me with.
Fast forward roughly 3.5 years and here I am. I am infinitely grateful for the inspiration we received to start our family then. I am also incredibly grateful for the inspiration and motivation I received to complete my degree, though it was one of the hardest things I've ever done. My schooling is in an area that allows me to work minimally in order to keep my skill set current, and therefore enables me to stay home and nurture my beautiful children. Somehow, I have been blessed to be able to experience this 'best of both worlds' thing. I believe that my role as mother is eternally more significant than my role as dental hygienist. So before I started looking for work, I began to wonder if I would be forsaking (or at least minimizing) my God-given responsibility as a mother if I left my kids with someone else while I work, however infrequently. While I was praying about it, I felt completely directed to the job I now have. Everything worked out perfectly, like it was supposed to work out that way. I have a wonderful job that allows me to utilize my education to help people, and also allows me to be a full time mom. I do not feel that I am forsaking my divine role as mother by working outside my home.
But, my situation is not everyone's situation. And my situation may not always be this way. The Church teaches the great importance of the nurturing role of mothers to their children. It's not because the Church requires it, but God. I wholeheartedly believe in that divine mandate. But sometimes, I feel like as mothers, we are put in the middle of a turf war. To work outside the home, or not to work outside the home? What a loaded question (among many other loaded questions). My education is something I worked incredibly hard for and am quite proud of. My children are something that I continue to work incredibly hard for and am even more proud of. So what do you do with two choices that seem so at odds with each other?
'These are very emotional, personal decisions, but there are two principles that we should always keep in mind. First, no woman should ever feel the need to apologize or feel that her contribution is less significant because she is devoting her primary efforts to raising and nurturing children. Nothing could be more significant in our Father in Heaven's plan. Second, we should all be careful not to be judgmental or assume that sisters are less valiant if the decision is made to work outside the home. We rarely understand or fully appreciate people's circumstances. Husbands and wives should prayerfully counsel together, understanding they are accountable to God for their decisions.' (Quentin L. Cook, LDS Women Are incredible! 4/2011)
So what do you do?
Prayerfully counsel together with your husband, together with the Lord. Ask the right questions. Prayerfully seek the will of the Lord for your situation and align yourself as best as you can with Him, trying always to fulfill your duties to Him first. Go forward with the answer you receive. That answer will require faith and perseverance. Answers to righteous questions usually do. But there is no one right answer for all the situations out there, and that is what personal revelation is for. When it comes to fulfilling righteous obligations, there's nothing the Lord won't help you do.
You just have to trust that He will give it.
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