We had some really really good talks in church on Sunday. The month's theme has been on 'loving your spouse'. Quite February appropriate. The messages this week were well thought out and prepared, and I've been thinking a lot since then.
Everyone has expectations when it comes to marriage. Some of those expectations are ridiculously unattainable and wishful ideals which leave people feeling unfulfilled and thinking that every other marriage is better than theirs. There really is no such thing as a fairy tale 'happily ever after'. And come on, did you really wanna marry Prince Charming? He's probably never worked a day in his life. Life is wonderful after marriage, but you have to make it that way. If you just expect that life is going to be easier in every way just because you've found and married your other half, you should also expect a rude awakening.
We've had a lot of good messages in church this month, and a lot of wives praising husbands for doing dishes, making meals, cleaning the house etc etc. Which are all things that help relieve my stress, and all things that Stefan is very helpful with. But, this particular speaker started her talk by saying that her husband does not do these things, because they are things that she enjoys doing and are stress relievers to her. Her husband recognizes that doing them actually causes her more stress, and so he doesn't do them out of love for her. Wow. Had someone told me this before I got married, I'd have thought he was lazy and inconsiderate for making her do all the work. That was definitely my mindset, especially about men. And now, I'm glad I can see differently. Then she went on to say that he does other things for her that show his love for her, and she made a point that he is the perfect husband for her.
Needless to say, I had a light bulb moment. Every couple has different ways of working through things and showing their love. A husband doesn't have to do the dishes to make is wife feel loved. For me, the perfect husband was always someone who would be willing to help with household chores. I did have a little shift in my paradigm this Sunday. It was unexpected, but I am glad of it.
In the dating phase I had all these wonderful ideals about what my perfect man would be. Some were very important, and others probably not as much. However, I'm still convinced that everything on my list is in the man I married. But it's funny how after marriage the temptation to pick out the little imperfections steadily increases. Still, this doesn't make me any less sure that we're perfect for each other. I mean, a man doesn't have to answer your every single text, open every single door from now til eternity, catch your every hair change, or remember every detail of your first date to be perfect. I'll let you in on a little secret....he's human. It doesn't change the fact that he's honest, hard working, loving, respectful, and trustworthy. So what if the toilet seat doesn't get put down? Who cares if he squeezes the toothpaste in a different spot? Kinda changes your expectation for 'perfect' doesn't it?
So you single ladies, as you're looking for your sweetheart, make sure you don't pass him by simply because he texts instead of calls, doesn't like your chick flicks, or doesn't write you poetry. Odds are, he's perfect for you anyway. You've just gotta let him prove it. And realize you've got imperfections too, and he's willing to over look those.
The 'honeymoon' phase does wear off eventually. Relationships change over time, because people change over time. Stefan and I have changed since we first met. Heck, I'd be worried if we hadn't. We've been married, had a baby, and had a ton of other adventures. But changing together is what makes things work, what makes things great. Something one of the speakers said really struck me. I am not perfect. And Stefan is not perfect. But if we include someone who is perfect in our relationship, we can achieve the impossible.
If we include the Lord in our marriage, we can achieve the impossible.
Profound. Simple. Amazing.
And isn't it the truth? Life gets so crazy busy, and complex that I forget how simple it really is. And so it's nice to have someone else remind me and put into words what I already know.
That was my expectation when I was preparing for marriage. Happily ever after is not a life of perfection, but a life of love in imperfection. We knew it require us to work at it, and we were both willing to do that. We figured it wouldn't be easy, but that it would be wonderful. And it's not a decision either of us made lightly.
And we'll live happily (and joyfully, stressedily, laughingly, imperfectly) ever after.
Everyone has expectations when it comes to marriage. Some of those expectations are ridiculously unattainable and wishful ideals which leave people feeling unfulfilled and thinking that every other marriage is better than theirs. There really is no such thing as a fairy tale 'happily ever after'. And come on, did you really wanna marry Prince Charming? He's probably never worked a day in his life. Life is wonderful after marriage, but you have to make it that way. If you just expect that life is going to be easier in every way just because you've found and married your other half, you should also expect a rude awakening.
We've had a lot of good messages in church this month, and a lot of wives praising husbands for doing dishes, making meals, cleaning the house etc etc. Which are all things that help relieve my stress, and all things that Stefan is very helpful with. But, this particular speaker started her talk by saying that her husband does not do these things, because they are things that she enjoys doing and are stress relievers to her. Her husband recognizes that doing them actually causes her more stress, and so he doesn't do them out of love for her. Wow. Had someone told me this before I got married, I'd have thought he was lazy and inconsiderate for making her do all the work. That was definitely my mindset, especially about men. And now, I'm glad I can see differently. Then she went on to say that he does other things for her that show his love for her, and she made a point that he is the perfect husband for her.
Needless to say, I had a light bulb moment. Every couple has different ways of working through things and showing their love. A husband doesn't have to do the dishes to make is wife feel loved. For me, the perfect husband was always someone who would be willing to help with household chores. I did have a little shift in my paradigm this Sunday. It was unexpected, but I am glad of it.
In the dating phase I had all these wonderful ideals about what my perfect man would be. Some were very important, and others probably not as much. However, I'm still convinced that everything on my list is in the man I married. But it's funny how after marriage the temptation to pick out the little imperfections steadily increases. Still, this doesn't make me any less sure that we're perfect for each other. I mean, a man doesn't have to answer your every single text, open every single door from now til eternity, catch your every hair change, or remember every detail of your first date to be perfect. I'll let you in on a little secret....he's human. It doesn't change the fact that he's honest, hard working, loving, respectful, and trustworthy. So what if the toilet seat doesn't get put down? Who cares if he squeezes the toothpaste in a different spot? Kinda changes your expectation for 'perfect' doesn't it?
So you single ladies, as you're looking for your sweetheart, make sure you don't pass him by simply because he texts instead of calls, doesn't like your chick flicks, or doesn't write you poetry. Odds are, he's perfect for you anyway. You've just gotta let him prove it. And realize you've got imperfections too, and he's willing to over look those.
The 'honeymoon' phase does wear off eventually. Relationships change over time, because people change over time. Stefan and I have changed since we first met. Heck, I'd be worried if we hadn't. We've been married, had a baby, and had a ton of other adventures. But changing together is what makes things work, what makes things great. Something one of the speakers said really struck me. I am not perfect. And Stefan is not perfect. But if we include someone who is perfect in our relationship, we can achieve the impossible.
If we include the Lord in our marriage, we can achieve the impossible.
Profound. Simple. Amazing.
And isn't it the truth? Life gets so crazy busy, and complex that I forget how simple it really is. And so it's nice to have someone else remind me and put into words what I already know.
That was my expectation when I was preparing for marriage. Happily ever after is not a life of perfection, but a life of love in imperfection. We knew it require us to work at it, and we were both willing to do that. We figured it wouldn't be easy, but that it would be wonderful. And it's not a decision either of us made lightly.
And we'll live happily (and joyfully, stressedily, laughingly, imperfectly) ever after.
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